So you’ve got something to say and it ain’t pretty. However, you can’t hold it in. If you do, it can damage your health. According to Dr. Dean Ornish, a heart disease expert and lifestyle coach, when you’re bottled up with bitterness, anger, hostility, hatred, resentment and fear – those feelings have serious physiological consequences. We’re talking increased blood pressure, heart disease, a weakened immune system and impaired brain and memory function. So, here’s how to speak your mind in uncomfortable situations. We found this in Woman’s World magazine.
- Try a technique they use in martial arts. Experts say the best way to cut an opponent’s resistance is to move with them, rather than against them. So, ask yourself what the other person may be thinking right now and say it for him. Like, “I know money’s tight and you’ve been worried about it. ” That’ll instantly make the other person feel understood and disarmed. Then, they’ll be more willing to hear what you have to say – rather than waiting to make their case.
- Another technique for getting things off your chest: Don’t go on and on. That won’t persuade a stubborn person – instead, spit it out like you’re ripping off a band-aid. Research has found that listeners automatically tune out after seven sentences and the longer you talk, the more opportunities others have to find holes in your thinking or judgment.
- Also, when saying something difficult, give the “why.” Studies show that 70% of difficult people will do what they’re asked if given a reason. So instead of just saying, “I hate it when you’re late!” Try, “It upsets me when you’re late because I worry.” The “because” is the key.
- Here’s the worst word to use when trying to get someone to understand your position: ”But.” As in, “I understand that you have to work late, but. ” Why is “but” so bad? Because it automatically puts the other person on the opposite side of the issue. Instead – replace “but” with “and” – which is a word that connects not separates. So try saying, “I understand you have to work late and I’d like you to get home earlier. How can we find a compromise?”